I don’t usually post this sort of entry here on my blog. I mean, I’m not really vocal–both in the real world and even in social networks–when it comes to ocassions like this. But this is my mother that I’m talking about. So that means I should make an exception every now and then, right?
It’s Mothers’ Day today. But I’m just writing this now (8:01 pm) because I focused on writing other things first. Sorry for that, ‘Ma. You know how my mind tends to float away very far when I started writing.
So to start, I know I’ve been a bigger failure and disappointment to you than any of my sisters. Especially now that I’m turning 26 and still unsure of what I really want to do with my life. Wilting away won’t help me, either. I can already see what will happen to you if I truly decide to just disappear.
But still, I really want to thank you. I don’t know if I can truly measure your patience for my incompetence, for my lack of initiative. I’m still having a hard time thinking of what to do with this life I have. I don’t want to waste it but I can’t seem to find the drive to do anything worthwhile. Though I’m slowly pursuing my dream right now, I know it’s mot helping you at all. I want to stop doing it, to stop pursuing my dream as a writer. But both my mind and my heart screams not to do that. From the way they disagree, it seems that I’ll truly wilt away if I choose to turn my back on the one dream I’m trying currently trying to grab right now.
I love you, Mama, and even God knows that. I’m sorry for continuing to disappoint you. I can’t promise to do my best to change my life. Because honestly, I’m not even sure if I can. Let’s see what happens next, I guess.
Even so, I won’t trade you for anything else. For me, you’re the best mother I could ever ask for. Thank you for everything.
Happy Mothers’ Day!