Entries In English · Random Thoughts And Contemplations · Saturday Night Thoughts

Saturday Night Thoughts #8

It’s Saturday and this will be my first Saturday Night Thoughts entry for 2016. I can’t believe it’s already two days since the last day of 2015. It’s nearly 10 pm and here I am writing this while researching for Asian shows and movies to download from my mobile phone. Well, this is better than to dwell with another job hunt issue thrown at me. It actually started when I refused to meet up with my father who haven’t actually gone home since last December. It’s not like I’ll gain something from it.

I hate it when they’re forcing me to do something I don’t really want to. I know people will hate me for that, especially if it actually concerns more on my decision not to find a job anytime soon. Of course, my mom kept on nagging me about it which I understood somehow. I mean, we’re the only ones who needed to support each other. My father won’t be helping us anymore with paying the house rent since it was all part of their agreement two months ago. But I can’t really force myself or I might end up getting fired from whatever job I’d find again.

They’d thrown me away and I could understand that. I wasn’t dedicated in fulfilling my duties, anyway. I still played around like a high schooler. You know, come to think of it, that thought only made my neck hurts. But seriously speaking, I want to ask this question.

Am I actually regressing? I don’t know. It’s like I can’t face the world seriously and I tend to daydream a lot. It’s like I’m doing the things that was somehow robbed from me during my childhood. I can’t recall myself having fun when I was a child. All I can remember was me crying in one corner because of some relatives hitting me and scolding me. I could still recall my father hitting my butt with a stick when I was young. I don’t know why the sad memories were more prominent in my mind than the good ones, though. And I’m starting to hate it. Can’t I just recall smething good for most of the time?

I don’t really want to welcome bad vibes on this second day of 2016. But with what happened today, I really can’t help it.

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