Entries In English · Random Thoughts And Contemplations · Saturday Night Thoughts

SATURDAY NIGHT THOUGHTS #4

Wow! Seriously, I can’t believe I’d be able to keep up posts with this particular title for few consecutive Saturdays. Probably because it’s hard for me to maintain blogs like this. At least, that was the case before. Yup, I know. Weird. I usually lose interest over various things if it’s starting to get a bit complicated for me. But then I have to exclude writing on that since even though I got too many rejections and criticisms about it, it didn’t actually stop me from writing. Sure, I have my lazy moments. But that didn’t really forbid me to keep doing this.

Okay, enough with this drama. Back to the ‘real issue’. Chos! Just kidding.

What happened to be over the past week? Well, let me tell you that this is my second Saturday at our new rented house. The days mostly went uneventful. Of course, if you include being scolded by my mother for not exactly exerting an effort to find a job to help them and the desktop’s OS finally crashing, then yes. It truly went uneventful (note the sarcasm there, people). I know it’s quite bad for me to think this way. I am the eldest child and I have the filial duty that I should be the one to shoulder instead of my sister. But honestly speaking, every time the thought of looking for a job comes up, I couldn’t help dismissing the very idea that I should leave the house because of it. All I want to do is to stay home and write. Just write and write. But if I keep up with this laziness and let it continue, then my mother would suffer even more.

This week, she scolded me about my lack of initiative. Not only that, she told me of her predicament at the office where she works. It’s like she’s saying those words to me to force me to do something–and fast. Aside from that, she said that my sister will be resigning already from her current work and find another job. She was planning to work at either Convergys or Sitel. And do I have to mention that my father would only pay the rent of the house until December? After that, he’d leave it all to my mother or whoever would help her pay the rent and other expenses (not to mention even debts).

Yup. This is truly an uneventful week. But then I can’t really find the drive to do something. I can’t even show any interests in all the job hiring notices I see around town or even in the newspaper. It’s frustrating me, you know. I want to do the one thing that I love and that’s writing. But like most people say, it will never give me any stability, let alone provide any help to finally finish paying our debts that seem endless. So they need me to do something else that will surely help them when it comes to finances. Seriously, why does money have to be the problem every time?

As of this post, I still can’t decide on what to do with that. Really, I’m the worst. One thing I realized from this: Doing what you want isn’t enough to provide them what they need. I wonder if there will come a time where I can satisfy both.

But I think that’s a little impossible… for now.

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