I’ve been planning a lot of things lately. I don’t know why but I always end up planning something na hindi ko naman alam kung magagawa ko kaagad. O kung magagawa ko nga talaga. It’s getting me all frustrated and confused. Forget about all my writing plans for now. Matagal na ang mga iyon. But I don’t have any urges of surrendering them or giving it all up. Ganyan ko lang naman kamahal ang pagsusulat. I know it’s my calling. For a long time, I know it’s like that. But I can’t rely solely on my calling.
Just like what I keep on saying, I’m still lacking the initiative. Fear always gets the best of me, now consuming me slowly. And that seriously sucks. I couldn’t even move out and do something. Aba’y hindi na ako magugulat kung isang araw na maging ermitanyo na ako sa sarili kong pamamahay, ah. Hindi imposible iyon.
But until I find a way to get out of my barrier, I guess all I can do is to sigh–heavily done, if I say so myself.
*And I just did it again…*